Little Miss or Little Mister

Last pregnancy I remembered quite recently I truly believed it was a boy before the ultrasound but was sure after. They didn't tell us the sex of the baby, (they weren't allowed due to hospital policy) and I really had no clue as to what I was looking at. However I was pretty sure I'd seen a little penis and that this baby couldn't break tradition and be a girl . Because for the last several generations more then seven at least, every first born son had had a first born son in my husband's family. I always thought after a little girl will be nice next.
We decided that we would only have our son though. So with me this lovely little surprise of a new baby one would think I'd jump right to it's gonna be a girl. I want a girl! Instead I don't find myself that way at all. I smile that speical secret smile pregnant mom's get when their babies kick and you rub them through your tummy and they kick again. That special bonding that takes place then that is just so so special. And I think I don't care. I think having two little boys would be the most adorable thing in the world. And that it'd be nice to have another little male in the family with so many females. Then I think a little girl would be just fine too. Her older brother and her would be great friends either way and I'd never worry about her because her brother would take care of her all her life.
I'm close to my ultrasound date and in a strange way I don't want to find out the sex. On this I realize how different I am from what I use to be four years ago. I NEEDED to know. Was so upset when I couldn't find out! I ended up being at peace with it though. This time around I want to know more for the sake of my son then myself. And for my husband who is determined to have his little girl now. So I guess in that way I do hope it's a girl. For him.
Either way these days I am feel with love, and contentment. Yes it's true I really have not a hot clue where my life is going, though who truly does? It'd be pretty boring I think if we knew that. Inside I am very contented in the now. It's a good place to be, and I wish everyone for one moment at least could feel like that in their lives.