It sometimes decides for you.
When I started writing my last blog I was pregnant. And I love it because it allows me to go back and see how things were for my first pregnancy. The good, the bad, and the ugly. So here I am again. Pregnant. And decided I need to do some recording for this phase of my life too.
Being pregnant the first time was exciting. I at one point or other felt overwhelmed. For the most part I was in happy Beck La La land. Meaning I didn't have a real freaking clue what motherhood and a new baby was all about. Now four years later. I can say I do. Enter baby new two.
Totally unplanned. Totally shocking. Totally over whelming. Totally depressing. Not the best first thoughts for bringing a new life into the world. But there it was. I was/am already battling depression. Was sometimes feeling overwhelming being just the mother of one! And needing a break. To find out that I was now suppose to be caring for two in a short nine months seemed unrealistic. However for me, the decsion was made. I was pregnant. Against all odds, and so I took it as this baby is meant to be. And after riding the harrowing rollercoaster of new pregnancy hormones, I finally hit the point where things started to even out. Sure I hated the fact still that my body was doing things completely out of my control, and that I was being forced in a direction I had no intention of taking. However I love my son. I love him dearly. How could I not love his sibling as well? It's just not possible.
And so my sega of second pregnancy entered. I sometimes still feel overwhelmed about how I will manage. I'm lucky though in that I have an incredible supportive husband who is right here by my side. Who is taking this wild parenthood ride with me. Who loves our son as much as I do. Who is an amazing father. And who is going to be amazing with our next little one too.
I find myself this summer looking forward to, and yet not to the winter. I find it crazy that our son will be four. I don't want him to be so big yet! :( I want him to stay small forever! (well not really but time seems to go too fast) But to the end of pregnancy and a new baby.
I'm almost 17 weeks today. Just two days shy. I must say I feel a lot less tired this time around at this point. Mostly because I'm not working over 40 hours a week and I can set my own schedule. I can feel the baby fluttering every once in a while. It makes me smile and relieved. I want this little one to be okay! I look forward to seeing the little one on ultrasound at the end of the month. :)
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